My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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