You made me cry and you don't even care
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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