just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
