nutella sex= disaster
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
