Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.