I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.