My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.