C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet