there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.