remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
