If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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