i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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