so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
it glows. i had to have it.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
