when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
