so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
