Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
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