I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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