you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Randomize
