Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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