When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
