My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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