my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
