I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
