eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
