So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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