Quick, to the slutcave!
im holly from the hills drunk
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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