Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
