im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
