So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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