I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
