Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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