Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
