Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
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We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
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Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
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