People with herpes should wear stickers.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
