Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Randomize
