if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
