I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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