i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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