Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
