I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize