You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
