Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
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