This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
