omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
only if we run a train.
done.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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