I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
