When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Randomize
