So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
