we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
