All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
