There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
