you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
