On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
