I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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