My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Randomize
