We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize