i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize