We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
