The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
