she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
