my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
How naked do you want me to be?
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