You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
