i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
