Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
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Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
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Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
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