Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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