I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
