I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
