I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
