; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
