it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
